I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
