Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
