i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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