i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
