whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
