Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
