Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
