And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
