I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
