Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
