if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
