i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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