I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When are your genitals available?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
