If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
