Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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