Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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