dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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