Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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