oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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