Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
