took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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