According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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