Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
