I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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