Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Come on in and take your pants off
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