youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
