I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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