Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
