nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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