remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
