i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
