there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
