remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
