You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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