last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
