I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
