His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
