Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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