Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
