he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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