Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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