You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
