I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
