Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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