Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
