College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
