1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
