just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
