Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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