Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
