Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
BRING THE BAGELS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
