I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
