I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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